6 Pillars of Mindset Change

“I’m a piece of shit.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“I can never do anything right.”

“Nothing ever good happens for me.”

“I’ve gone as far as I am going to go in life, I might as well get used to living this way.”

“I would be better off and the people in my life would be better off if I wasn’t here anymore.”

“I’m never going to break free from my suicidal thoughts, depression, anger, hopelessness, etc.”

These were my thoughts for the better part of 20 years.

These were my thoughts as a result of a mindset and identity that I had built in response to the sexual abuse that I suffered at the age of 15.

Can you relate to the thoughts above?

If so, I’m sorry and that’s why I’m writing this newsletter and sharing my story.

I don’t want anyone to think or feel the way I did for so many years.

Unfortunately, many of us are carrying around the scars from a time when we didn’t have a choice when it came to shaping our own identities.

We were either brought up in a toxic environment or suffered a traumatic experience like I did.

We carry around these scars and build our identity around them.

We build an identity that continues to protect us from new threats, but these protection mechanisms keep us shackled in a mental prison.

I’m one of the lucky ones that was able to break free from this prison and give myself a chance of living a life I never dreamed was possible.

It didn’t happen by accident, it was intentional.

You see, I got to a point where I wanted something different.

I was tired, exhausted, frustrated, and just pissed off for being stuck for so many years that I finally did something about it.

When I reflected back on the most important changes that had the most impact on changing my mindset and healing, I came up with what I call the “6 Pillars of Mindset Change.”

This is nothing groundbreaking, but it’s the concepts that helped me go from surviving each day to thriving today.

Here are the 6 Pillars of Mindset Change:

1) Self-awareness: Being aware of how you think and feel.

Thinking about what you’re thinking about.

We cannot change our mindset if we are not aware of what we’re thinking about and what we believe.

We must be able to identify it before we can change it.

The exercise below is how I started to develop self-awareness in my life.

Set an alarm to go off three to five times during the day, stop what you’re doing when it goes off, and ask yourself two questions:

What am I thinking?

How do I feel?

This will help you become aware of the link between your thoughts and feelings.

Do this enough, and you’ll start catching your negative thoughts and be able to replace them with positive thoughts.

2) Ownership: Being responsible for everything in your life.

Things are going to happen to you in life, but we get to choose how we respond to them.

This is tough to believe especially when you’ve been through any type of abuse or trauma, but you cannot change your mindset if you continue to blame others or external factors for why you’re acting the way you are.

We gain control and power in our lives when we start taking responsibility for our lives.

Ownership brings freedom.

It’s not your fault that something bad happened to you, but it’s your responsibility to choose your path forward.

3) Consistency: Do something every day no matter how you feel.

Consistency is what allows us to change our mindset and change our lives.

When we build consistency into our day, we gain momentum.

Once you gain momentum, you won’t want to stop.

Pick a healthy habit, something small, and commit to doing it every day.

You can focus on doing this healthy habit every day for 30 days.

Do everything you must to make sure you do this habit for those 30 days.

Watch what happens when you start seeing results.

You’ll build momentum and this will spread throughout other areas of your life.

Continue to add on to this momentum and start replacing bad habits with good habits over time.

4) Gratitude: Be thankful for what you have.

Gratitude is powerful and being thankful for what you have but not being satisfied with where you’re at, is a powerful mindset shift.

We must be thankful, but we must continue to grow and go after our goals.

I start out each day with gratitude.

My goal is to think about what I’m grateful for every morning before I get out of bed.

It doesn’t take long, and it doesn’t have to be much.

You can start out by thinking of three things you’re thankful for each morning before you get out of bed.

For me, winning the morning is important.

I don’t win the morning with a three-hour morning routine; I win the morning by focusing on what I’m thankful for in my life.

5) Catharsis: Get your negative emotions out.

It’s important to get our emotions out.

For many years, I kept all of my emotions inside.

These negative emotions get buried in your soul and become toxic if they cannot be expressed.

I carried the trauma from sexual abuse in my soul for many years until it nearly killed me.

What I found works best for me was journaling.

I started journaling about what I was thinking and feeling.

I was able to process my thoughts and emotions and stop holding onto them.

This is why I send out two newsletters a week (Thursday and Saturday) about reflection.

It’s important to reflect and get things out.

Start a journaling habit today.

Set a timer for five minutes and just start writing down your thoughts.

6) Challenge: Doing something you don’t want to do.

I have the Navy to thank for getting me out of my comfort zone regularly.

If it wasn’t for the Navy, I would have stayed in my comfort zone and wouldn’t be writing this to you today.

When we’re trying to heal from trauma, it’s going to get uncomfortable a lot.

We must recognize this and do our best to push through it.

It’s doing the uncomfortable things that is going to change your life.

The best way to do this is by picking something small to do every day that you don’t want to do.

It can be as small as vacuuming a room in your house every day.

It’s something that you don’t want to do, and you’ll have to push yourself to do it anyway.

Again, it’s about getting yourself to do things you don’t want to do.

You start to develop a habit of doing the things you don’t want to do, and it will move you forward in your healing journey.

It’s a game changer.

One Final Note

I’m telling you right now, you can change, you can heal, but you must believe it’s possible.

It’s a journey and it’s not going to be easy, but I know you can do it, and you just need to take that first step.

I believe that you can do it, and you just have to take action and prove to yourself that you can do it.

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you for your support!

If you would like to learn more or schedule a free 30-minute consultation, visit my website by clicking here or by visiting my Calendly page by clicking here.

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