A Secret I Carried for 22 Years

I served 22 years in the Navy, and no one knew about my sexual abuse.

I carried it alone.

I was terrified of how people would look at me if I told them.
I was overwhelmed with shame and convinced it was my fault.

As a man, it felt especially embarrassing to admit that I had gone through something so traumatic.

Standing Watch While Carrying the Weight

In the Navy, we stand watch.

Every ship has a quarterdeck, the formal area where all business is conducted before entering the ship. Armed Sailors stand watch there, and others rove throughout the ship carrying weapons.

I was one of those Sailors throughout my career.

I don’t like sharing this part, but it’s important for people to understand what someone living with unprocessed trauma can carry silently.

There were many nights, especially in the darkest hours of the morning, when I thought about using the weapon I was carrying to end my life.

Too many times to count.

The Navy had no idea.

Pain Hidden in Plain Sight

The thoughts running through my head during those moments were terrifying.

It would have been so easy to make the pain stop and never have to face the past again.

I can’t imagine making that choice today, and I thank God every day that I didn’t.

Life After Survival Mode

My days now are far from perfect, and neither am I.

But I’ve learned to appreciate that about life.

Healing has taught me to take things one step at a time, to move through challenges with patience, and to find meaning in the journey, not just the destination.

Life is a journey.
It was never meant to be easy.

But we can make it through each challenge.

A Message to Survivors

If you’ve experienced the kind of trauma I’ve experienced, I want you to know this:

You are stronger than you realize.
You’ve already survived more than most people ever will.

You can make it through what’s in front of you.

Please don’t give up on yourself.

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you for your support!

Resources: For resources, my programs, or to schedule a 30-minute discovery call, visit my website by clicking here.

NEW: I’ve started a private Facebook community called Survivor to Thriver Community: Healing, Support, and Growth. This community is by invite only. I want it to be a place where survivors can go to receive support from others that understand what they’re going through. If you’re interested, please send me an email at [email protected] and let me know you want to join and I’ll send you an invite.