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- Alone and Healing
Alone and Healing
My wife and I enjoy watching Alone, a survival show where 10 people are dropped into the wilderness, completely alone. Each person is miles apart, self-filming, with only 10 items to survive. The last one standing wins $500,000.
At first, it might sound boring. But when you really start watching, it’s anything but.
What makes the show fascinating isn’t just the remote landscapes or the survival skills. It’s the psychological unraveling that happens when people are left alone with no distractions, no phone, no people, no noise. Just their thoughts.
Many participants go in thinking they’re used to being alone. But after just a few days, painful memories start to surface. Without distractions, there's nowhere to hide from the parts of themselves they’ve buried.
In the current season, one man began breaking down just four days in. Thoughts about his father and past regrets started eating at him. The guilt, the shame; it was raw and visible. He tapped out due to depression. It was a reminder: you can’t outrun your thoughts.
That’s trauma.
It creeps in when it senses vulnerability. It shuts you down. It convinces you to protect yourself by checking out. And that’s exactly what I did for years.
Before deployments, I would mentally detach from my family. I was physically present, but emotionally gone. I didn’t want to feel the pain of leaving, so I shut down before I even had to go. I ruined so many moments because I was too busy bracing for the future.
That’s what trauma does, it chains you to the past and makes you dread the future. It robs you of the moment. But the present is where life happens. Where memories are made. Where healing begins.
On my last deployment, I made a different choice.
Instead of running from my pain, I turned toward it. I intentionally used that time to work on myself. I wanted to finally stop numbing and start healing, for real this time. No more slipping back into the comfort of avoidance.
Because avoidance isn’t harmless. It’s toxic. Those buried emotions? They live in your soul, and over time, they poison it. And when your soul hits its breaking point, it manifests in dangerous ways: more drinking, deeper depression, more isolation, even suicidal thoughts.
I used to distract myself constantly, drinking, gambling, football. Even things like mowing the lawn or working out became tools to avoid feeling. And while some of those things aren’t bad on the surface, if you’re using them to bury pain, they’re not helping you heal.
The only way to heal is to face the pain.
Again and again.
Until it no longer controls you.
You must sit with the thoughts, feel the discomfort, and work through the emotions. Over time, you start to accept your past. Not erase it. Not justify it. Just accept that it happened, and that it no longer defines you.
There’s real power in that.
When you stop hiding from your past, you break the cycle. You stop reliving the pain. You’re no longer just a survivor; you become something more.
You become a Thriver.
Your Thriver Identity is the version of you that you want to be.
It’s how you want to think, act, feel, live.
It’s who you build after you’ve faced the pain and chosen to grow.
You no longer live in the shadow of what happened, you step into the light of what’s possible.
So, the next time you’re bored or alone and the thoughts creep in, don’t run.
Don’t pick up your phone.
Don’t distract yourself.
Sit with the thoughts.
Even just for a few minutes.
That’s where the work starts.
And if you don’t know where to start with creating your new identity, I’ve got an exercise to help.
Rebuilding Your Identity Framework: From a Survivor Identity to Thriver Identity
1. CLARITY: Define Who You Want to Become
Ask:
Who do I want to be at my core?
What values define this version of me?
What kind of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors does this version embody?
Tools:
Write a “Future Self” letter
Create a vision board or a one-page “Identity Statement”
Use affirmations that start with “I am the type of person who…”
2. AWARENESS: Audit Your Current Identity
Ask:
What beliefs and habits are currently keeping me stuck?
What internal dialogue is shaping my current self?
Where am I out of alignment with who I want to become?
Tools:
Journaling prompts:
What’s holding me back?
What belief am I ready to release?
Track automatic thoughts and behaviors for 3 days
Inner child check-in:
Where did these beliefs come from?
3. ALIGNMENT: Bridge the Gap
Ask:
What habits, routines, and environments support my future identity?
How can I show up today as that version of me?
What boundaries or upgrades do I need?
Tools:
Habit Stacking: attach new behaviors to existing ones
Create a “Be-Do-Have” model (who must I BE to DO the things that let me HAVE what I want?)
Future Self Embodiment: visualize and act as if you are already that person
4. REPETITION: Reinforce the New Identity
Ask:
How can I keep practicing this new identity daily?
How will I hold myself accountable?
How will I celebrate growth?
Tools:
Daily “identity affirmations”
Track small wins that prove you are becoming that person
Accountability (coach, journal, calendar)
5. INTEGRATION: Embody It Authentically
Ask:
Is this version of me becoming my natural state?
Where am I still performing vs. living it?
How can I make this identity sustainable?
Tools:
Reflect monthly:
What feels authentic?
What still feels forced?
Continue upgrading identity as you grow; this is not the finish line, it’s a cycle
Live in alignment with your values over external validation
Stay positive and take action!
Thank you for your support!
If you would like to learn more or schedule a free 30-minute consultation, visit my website by clicking here or by visiting my Calendly page by clicking here.
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