Authenticity is Your Superpower

I put a lot of thought into what I write each week for these newsletters.

I do a lot of writing, but much of my writing doesn’t make it into these newsletters.

I’m going to try something this week and maybe for a few weeks.

I’m going to think less about what I’m writing and just write and use it for the newsletter.

I think when I try to tidy everything up too much, it loses my personality and it’s not as impactful.

My goal is not to come across as a polished scholar, my goal is to bring my real voice and passion into what I’m writing, and I can’t do that if I’m worried about how I might sound or if someone is going to be offended by what I say.

I can have more impact if I write how I feel, if I write what comes to my mind and not try to put it into these “here’s five steps that you can use to change your life” bullshit that everyone else is writing.

Now, I’m not saying that there aren’t five steps that will change your life, I’m just saying that it doesn’t always work like that.

So, with that being said, this is the first version of doing just that, putting my mostly unedited writing in this newsletter.

Here we go …...

I’m writing this as I was thinking about authenticity and being ourselves.

I was listening to the normal fake ass laughter and bullshit at work the other day, and it got me thinking about this and how much it sucks to pretend.

It’s time to stop pretending altogether.

The biggest freedom is when we can be ourselves and not give in to the urge to pretend so that others will approve of us.

I mean this even with the little things;

… a laugh when someone says something that’s funny to everyone else but not funny to you,

… agreeing with someone’s point of view just to avoid an uncomfortable situation,

… or even filling the uncomfortable silence with bullshit because it’s so uncomfortable.

All of these are examples of ways in which we cater to other’s so that we feel accepted.

However, you’re doing a disservice to yourself.

You’re not becoming the person or being the person that you’re supposed to be, the authentic you.

The authentic you is the only person that matters.

You were put on this earth for a reason, and you will never fulfill that purpose if you cannot be your authentic self.

The world doesn’t need more of the same people, people to agree with everything just to be accepted.

It’s time to stop with that bullshit and be who you’re supposed to be.

You’ve got shit to do, things to accomplish, personal growth to go after, it’s time to be authentic.

Pay attention to how you react and what you say around others.

Start catching yourself when you do something that’s not authentic.

I remember the other week I was on a call, and I apologized for something I didn’t do, it just came out.

I caught myself and said, “I’m not sorry about that, but that’s just what happened in this situation,” or something to that affect.

I’ll own it when it’s my fault, but I’m not going to apologize just because it makes things feel or look better.

It does nothing for the situation and it’s a disservice to me.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, maybe you’re not sure of who you are because you’re on your healing journey, or you’re not confident in who you are yet, don’t worry, if you stick with it, you’ll get there.

It’s going to take some time and practice, but you’ll get there if you keep going.

The more you start to recognize it and start changing it, the better you’ll get at it.

We think that everyone is watching what we do or cares about what we say, but the truth is that very few people are paying attention to us.

Everyone is focused on themselves and trying to get through the day.

People are not paying as much or nearly as much attention to you as you think.

Start being authentic and living your life.

You’ll be thankful you did.

You’ll feel much better about yourself.

Even if you lose some friends or some people don’t like you, it’s better than everyone liking the fake you.

It’s good to have people that don’t like you, this means you stand for something.

So, for me, I’m not going to be the guy that bullshits in the office.

I’m not going to walk around with a smile.

I’m there to work and do the best job I can supporting the customers I support.

I will tell you this though, when someone comes to me for help, I’m all-in.

I know who I am, and some will not like it.

From the outside they won’t like it, but when they need something or come talk to me, they’ll see who I really am and that’s all that matters to me.

It doesn’t feel good to be fake or to pretend just so that people accept you.

It’s an addiction.

It becomes a way of life.

It was more of a survival trait for me.

I wanted to fit in so that I wouldn’t stick out.

I already felt exposed because of my sexual abuse and all I wanted to do was fit in and not feel like the freak.

I couldn’t handle anything rocking the boat so to speak.

I was fragile and weak.

I didn’t know who I was and was just trying to make it through the day.

It was the worst feeling in the world.

If you’re in this place right now, you can change it.

You can learn to become who you’re supposed to be and not care about what others think.

I promise you; you can do it.

I did it and I know you can as well.

It’s not going to be easy; you’re going to have to break some habits, you’re going to have to fight through some very uncomfortable feelings, but it’s worth it.

It’s always going to be worth it when you break free and start healing.

It’s always going to be worth it when you find out who you are and embrace it to the fullest extent regardless of what others think.

It’s powerful when you can say, “I don’t give a fuck what you think about me, this is who I am and if you don’t like it, fuck off.”

This doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk or asshole about it, but this is how you must think in your head.

If someone doesn’t like it, then they can take a walk.

This is about you now; this is about getting out of survival mode and living your life the way it was supposed to be lived.

You’re not living now, you’re surviving.

You can only live in survival mode for so long before it starts to burry you.

Breaking free from survival mode requires you to find out who you are and start being that person no matter what.

You’re not a victim anymore.

You’re a fighter.

You’re a thriver and it’s time to start getting your life back.

Who are you?

Let’s start living that out every day.

Take the time to identify all the things you do or the behaviors you have that you don’t want.

The first step is to identify them.

Think about how you want to act or what you would do instead.

This is your blueprint.

You can pick one thing to get started.

Pick one thing and know how you want to act or do instead.

Next time that situation comes up, I want you to remind yourself of how you want to respond and do it.

Be confident about it and do it.

Again, pick one thing.

Don’t try to do everything at once.

You’ll find this to be very powerful.

You’ll realize it’s not as hard as you thought it would be.

Do it again, and again, and again, until it becomes natural.

This is you.

Now, pick something else and then something else, and continue to build on the previous one to find out who you are.

This is how you start becoming yourself, this is how you build your true identity.

Not the fake one that you’ve built to deal with the trauma that you’ve experienced, but your real fucking self.

This is how you start living your life, this is how you heal. 

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you for your support!

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