Breaking the Chains of the Past: A Message for Anyone Struggling

If the people closest to me knew how much I thought about killing myself when I was at my worst…
They probably would have been terrified.

My wife knew I was struggling.
She may be the only one who wouldn’t be surprised by how often those thoughts haunted me.
And I’m sure it terrified her, every single day, wondering if I would do something.

The truth is:
I thought about it a lot.
Any time I felt pain whether at work or at home, it was like those thoughts were always waiting.

The Lie I Believed

I didn’t think I had much to offer.
I believed people would be better off without me.
I didn’t want to keep struggling with the pain anymore.
I didn’t think healing was even possible.
And I was tired…
Tired of feeling like a disappointment.
Tired of saying I was going to change, feeling good for a moment only to crash the next day.

If you feel this way today, I’m so sorry you’re carrying that.

But stay with me.

Where It All Came From

All of those thoughts, every single one that led me to believe I should end my life,
They weren’t based on truth.
They were based on my past.

They were tied to the abuse I went through at 15.
To the shame.
The guilt.
The embarrassment.
The hurt.

Each time something went wrong, it triggered those emotions.
It wasn’t just about what was happening in the moment, it was everything I hadn’t healed.

My brain was trying to make sense of the pain by telling me I deserved it.

Why We Stay Stuck

When we go through trauma, our brains go into survival mode, disassociating, shutting down, or numbing us to get through it.

But survival mode isn’t meant to last forever.

We’re supposed to process what happened after the danger is gone.
But most of us don’t.
I didn’t.
I tried to forget it all.
I buried it for years.

And the longer I ignored it, the more power it had over me.
That’s when the lies became louder.
That’s when the suicidal thoughts grew stronger.

The Turning Point

Everything began to change when I started to face my past.

Not to erase it, not to forget it.
We don’t forget trauma like that.
But to understand it and allow myself to grieve.

It was only when I started to process those buried emotions that the shame, guilt, and pain started to lose their grip.

That’s when healing began.

The Truth

Here’s the truth I couldn’t see back then:

You matter.
You have purpose.
You were never meant to carry this alone.

But you can’t fully see your worth while your past is still running your life.

You have to break the chains by facing it.

And yes, it’s the hardest part.
It means revisiting the worst moment in your life.
It means letting yourself feel what you couldn’t feel back then.

But when you do, bit by bit, you start to see your own power.

You start to heal.

A Message to Anyone Struggling Right Now

I think about my kids.
And I can’t imagine them feeling the way I once did about myself.

I see their beauty.
Their potential.
Their worth.

And you have that too.

It was always in you.
It’s just been clouded by pain that was never meant to stay.

When you break the chains to your past, you stop carrying that weight.
You start to feel lighter.
You begin to see your strength.
You start to heal into the version of yourself you were meant to be.

Give Yourself Permission

Give yourself the time and space to grieve.

Grieve what happened.
Grieve who you might have been if the trauma never occurred.
And then, step by step, build something new.

You don’t have to rush.
You just have to begin.

Healing isn’t forgetting.
Healing is reclaiming.
And you are worthy of that.

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you for your support!

If you would like to learn more or schedule a free 30-minute consultation, visit my website by clicking here or by visiting my Calendly page by clicking here.

I would love to hear your feedback. If you would like to leave anonymous feedback about this newsletter to help me improve it, you can do so by clicking here.

If you have any questions or would like to provide feedback in email, you can reach me at [email protected].