Building a Bulletproof Mindset Part 2, Ownership

In last week’s addition of the Survivor to Thriver Newsletter I discussed the first of six (self-awareness, ownership, consistency, gratitude, catharsis, and challenge) principles I used to change my mindset, Self-Awareness. 

This week I’m going to address principle number two, Ownership.  

“Until you take ownership, you’ll chase happiness.” – Sean Stephenson 

According to Merriam-Webster, ownership is the state, relation, or fact of being an owner. 

Owner ship means you are an owner. Let that sink in for a moment.

What does it mean to you to be an owner?

Ownership is powerful. When you own something, you can make changes. You are empowered.

Let’s take a house for example. When you own a home, you take better care of it. You put money into making improvements. You intentionally try to increase the value. 

On the other hand, when you’re renting a house, you don’t put as much into taking care of it. You will do the minimum required per the contract. You are not going to spend thousands of dollars making improvements or adding value. 

The same principal applies to your trauma and current situation. If you blame those that hurt you, stay angry, and make excuses for your current situation, you will get nowhere. You will not invest in yourself. You will stay a victim. You will not increase your value. 

I stayed a victim for many years. This affected every area of my life. I viewed my life as cursed. I felt it was inevitable that something bad was going to happen to me every day. I couldn’t win. Nothing ever went my way.  

How does this manifest in a relationship?

I took offense to any feedback provided by my wife. I was defensive. She couldn’t talk to me. I would start with the victim mentality on how I couldn’t do anything right and I’m never going to change. This devastates a relationship.  

I was reliving my past of sexual abuse everyday. My past was controlling my present. I gave away my power when I chose to play the victim.  

On the other hand, as soon as you accept that bad things did happen to you, but it’s up to you to address your past and own your future, you will start to invest in self-improvement. You’ll start to feel empowered.   

When you start taking ownership of everything in your life, you will notice a happiness come over you. It’s an inner joy.  

You realize how much power you have to make an impact. It’s exciting! It changes your whole perspective on life.  

For most of my adult life, I failed to take ownership for my situation. I felt sorry for myself. I was a victim. I still had the mentality I had when I was 15 years old. I was emotionally stuck. I grew to be comfortable with this situation.

If you’re not careful, you may never get out of this mentality. The longer this goes on, the harder it is to change. 

It’s not too late, you can start changing your mindset today. It takes small actions. Small actions that build momentum. This momentum will lead to more actions which will produce big changes over time.  

Pretty soon, you’ll look back at your past and smile. And wish you would have started sooner! 

Stay positive and take action!