Closure and forgiveness.

My views on both have changed a lot over the years.

These are two topics we hear about constantly when it comes to healing:

But I think it’s important to pause and ask yourself:

What does closure look like for you?
Do you even need it?
If so, what would it look like?

And what about forgiveness?
Do you need to forgive the people who hurt you?
If so, when?
How?
Why?

I believe it’s important to get quiet and really think about how you feel about these topics.

And I’ll say this clearly:
There is no right or wrong answer.

I don’t care what anyone says.

One of the things trauma, especially sexual abuse, can take from us is our connection to ourselves. It can disconnect us from recognizing what we truly think, feel, want, or need. I know that happened to me for many years.

I spent a long time trying to:

I didn’t really think for myself for a long time.

Even until recently, I still struggled with it. I would immediately ask my wife or someone else what they thought I should do before ever stopping to ask myself how I felt about it first.

Lately, I’ve been trying to pause before doing that. I’ve been practicing sitting with my own thoughts and emotions first instead of immediately seeking outside validation.

And honestly, it takes practice.

If you’ve spent years disconnected from yourself, it’s going to take time to reconnect with your own voice, your own feelings, and your own intuition. Start small. Be patient with yourself.

But when it comes to closure and forgiveness, I believe this deeply:

You get to decide what those things mean for you.

You get to decide how they look.
You get to decide whether they matter to you.
You get to decide what role they play in your healing journey.

For a long time, I thought I would finally get closure when my abuser was sentenced to prison after the trial.

But that wasn’t the moment everything suddenly healed.

I still struggled deeply with trauma for many years afterward.

Over time, I realized that healing mattered more than closure.

As I’ve continued healing, closure has become less about “finally feeling complete” and more about becoming who I was always meant to become. It became less about the past and more about building a life I genuinely enjoy, a life I’m proud of, and a life that feels meaningful.

As for forgiveness, that’s entirely up to you.

You do not have to forgive.
Ever.

No one gets to demand that from you.

At the same time, I do think something interesting can happen during healing. Sometimes forgiveness quietly enters the picture on its own—not because someone pressured you into it, but because your healing naturally changes your relationship with the pain.

But there is no timeline for that.
And it is not required if you do not feel it’s necessary.

Don’t let anyone tell you what you must do or what healing is supposed to look like.

How you heal…
How you feel…
What closure means…
What forgiveness means…

That belongs to you now.

You get to decide.

Thank you for your support!

Resources: For resources, my programs, or to schedule a 30-minute discovery call, visit my website by clicking here.

NEW: I’ve started a private Facebook community called Survivor to Thriver Community: Healing, Support, and Growth. This community is by invite only. It’s a place where survivors can go to receive support from others that understand what they’re going through. If you’re interested, please send me an email at [email protected] and let me know you want to join and I’ll send you an invite.

If this newsletter has help you in any way, please share it with someone you know that may be struggling.