Failure and Failing: They're Not the Same

Shame and failure are often tangled together, but they shouldn’t be.
They’re completely different experiences.

However, for those of us who’ve experienced trauma, they tend to go hand in hand.
When we fail, shame rushes in right behind it.
The thoughts start flooding in:

• “I’m not good enough.”

• “I knew I couldn’t do it.”

• “I never get it right.”

All lies.
All rooted in old wounds and survival patterns.

But here’s the truth: failure and shame don’t belong together.
Failure is not a reflection of your worth, it’s part of the process of growth.

Let me ask you this: How can you succeed at anything if you don’t fail first?

You can’t.
You must try, fail, get feedback, adjust, and try again, over and over until you succeed.
That’s how it’s supposed to work.

Failure is learning.
When you fail, it simply means you took action. You tried.
And that’s something to be proud of.

I tell my son this all the time. If he doesn’t do well on a test, I’ll ask, “How much did you study?” knowing the answer. I tell him the same thing I tell my clients:

Effort is where growth happens.
Results come later.

Failure is feedback, the most powerful kind of feedback there is.
When you fail, you remember the lesson. You internalize it. You grow.

I read something recently that stuck with me:

That word yet changes everything.
It keeps the door open for growth, for learning, for change.
When you add “yet,” failure becomes temporary.

Healing is the same way.
It’s about shifting your perspective, little by little and rewiring how you respond to life.

So the next time you fail, take a deep breath and give yourself credit for trying.
Then, reflect on what you learned.
Take that lesson, apply it, and get back out there.

That’s what growth looks like.
That’s what healing looks like.
And that’s how you break free from shame, one imperfect, courageous step at a time.

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you for your support!

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