Happy To Be Depressed

One of the happiest moments in my life is when my mother-in-law said to me, “Mark, I think you might be depressed.”

My mother-in-law is a nurse. I remember her walking in the door from work and saying this to me to this day.

Prior to this moment, I had been struggling.

My wife knew something wasn’t right and she had been trying to get me help.

Of course, I refused.

I had started to feel that something was wrong as well, but I couldn’t figure it out.

When my mother-in-law pointed out that I might be depressed, a light bulb went off in my head.

I instantly had hope that I could possibly be fixed.

I had hope that my future may not be doomed after all.

I had hope that I could possibly be normal.

Here’s the other part; at this point, I had been in the Navy for about four years.

I didn’t go to the Navy for help because I was afraid that it would affect my career in a negative way. Also, I didn’t want anyone to know.

I couldn’t afford to get kicked out of the Navy with a family to support.

Therefore, I wasn’t going to say anything about my issues. Instead, I went to see my mother-in-law’s doctor.

She diagnosed me with depression and prescribed me Lexapro.

I was very hesitant to take Lexapro, but she assured me that it would not show up on a drug test.

I started taking it. Instantly, I felt a difference. My eyes seemed to open up for once.

Now here’s the bad part; I thought all of my problems were going to be fixed.

I stopped there and didn’t continue to push my growth.

You see, medication can be great, but it needs to be followed up with behavioral change as well.

Use the medication to help you develop new patterns, new ways of thinking, and a strategy for making this happen.

I didn’t do that and once again, I thought my problems would all disappear.

I fell back into my darkness.

You see, I was treating the symptoms, but not the root.

You need to treat the root if you want the symptoms to go away.

My root was my past sexual abuse. I was still trying to run from my past.

I still didn’t want to address what happened to me, I didn’t want to deal with the feelings, and I sure as hell didn’t want to go back and relive it.

Therefore, I didn’t change.

All the medication in the world, all the money in the world, or anything for that matter, will not help if you don’t deal with the root.

Once I started dealing with the root, everything started to change for me. 

I started to feel some of the weight lift from my soul.

I felt like I could start breathing again.

This is when the real healing begins. 

The more you push with addressing the root, the stronger you become.

You start to find strength in your story and who you are.

Here I am today sharing my story on social media and coaching others to help them find their path.

You can do the same. You have the strength inside of you to address your root and start your healing journey.

Your healing journey is not going to look like mine and that’s fine.

Everyone’s journey is going to be different, but one thing is going to be the same, you have to address the root.

Stay positive and take action!

I appreciate you taking the time to read this newsletter. I hope it provided some value for you.

Mark