Healing From Trauma: It's Not About "Moving On," It's About Repetition and Safety

When someone’s dealing with trauma, you can throw all the psychology at them, tell them they shouldn’t feel a certain way, that it wasn’t their fault, or that they should be over it by now, but it doesn’t work that way.

Our nervous system’s job is to protect us, and when I suffered sexual abuse, it protected me then, and it continued protecting me for the next 20 years.

Why Self-Help Alone Isn’t Enough

Over the years, I read many self-help books, and some of them were excellent. I still love reading them today because learning is part of healing. But I’ve learned something important; healing trauma isn’t as simple as reading a book and applying a few steps.

It’s about taking small, consistent actions, the smallest steps, repeated over and over to retrain your nervous system to feel safe.

Healing happens through repetition, not reasoning. You can’t think your way out of trauma. You don’t just forget what happened.

The Truth About “Moving On”

When someone who hasn’t experienced what you have tells you to “move on,” understand, they don’t know what they’re talking about.

There is no moving on from sexual abuse. It will always be part of your story. But healing means not letting it dominate who you are anymore.

When we’re stuck in survival mode, it’s like we’re anchored to the past, reliving the abuse over and over as if it’s happening again. That’s not weakness. That’s your nervous system trying to protect you.

And that’s normal.
There’s nothing wrong with you.

You’re teaching your nervous system that it doesn’t have to protect you 24/7 anymore, that you’re safe now.

The Power of Education

For a long time, I didn’t understand what “survival mode” really meant. I’d heard about the fight-or-flight response, but I didn’t know how deeply it controlled my life, even long after the trauma ended.

Learning how trauma affects the brain, body, and nervous system was powerful. It helped me release some of the shame and guilt I’d carried for years; shame that never belonged to me in the first place.

Knowledge helps you understand:

• You’re not broken.

• You’re not weak.

• You’re healing from something that was never your fault.

Building Self-Compassion

I want you to stop for a moment.
If someone you loved told you the same story you’ve lived, that they went through what you did, what would you say to them?

Would you blame them?
Would you call them worthless?
Would you tell them they don’t deserve to live?

Of course not.

You’d show them compassion.
Now, it’s time to start showing that compassion to yourself.

Healing means learning to give yourself the same grace you’d offer someone you love. It takes time. Some days you’ll move forward, others you’ll take a step back, but every step counts.

Repetition Is the Key

Healing comes down to repetition.
It’s not about perfection.

It’s about remembering to use your tools, your breathing, affirmations, grounding, or mindfulness techniques, when you need them most:

• When panic hits.

• When you shut down.

• When you want to escape through unhealthy distractions.

When you bring your nervous system back to the present, your mind begins to calm.
When your mind calms, you can start to think clearly and show yourself compassion.

I can’t tell you how many years I spent learning coping skills and then forgetting them in the moment I needed them most. Every time, I thought I was failing.

But I wasn’t failing, I was retraining my brain and body to feel safe again. That takes time, patience, and practice.

So, go easy on yourself.
It’s happening, even if you can’t see it yet.
Keep repeating the small steps, that’s where healing happens.

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you for your support!

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