Hope is Everything

Why It's Important and How to Restore It When It's Lost

Author

Mark Toner
February 16, 2025

“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” - Leonard Cohen

Introduction

What is hope?

According to Snyder (1991, as cited in Houston, 2019), “hope is a positive cognitive state based on a sense of successful goal-directed determination and planning to meet these goals. In other words, hope is like a snap-shot of a person’s current goal-directed thinking, highlighting the motivated pursuit of goals and the expectation that those goals can be achieved.”

What sticks out to me the most in this definition is the last three words “can be achieved.”

Merriam-Webster defines hope as, “: to desire with expectation of obtainment or fulfillment.”

What sticks out to me the most in this definition is “expectation of obtainment or fulfillment.”

Hope is believing that something can be achieved or that something’s possible.

Hope is believing that healing from trauma is possible.

It’s believing that you can have a better life.

The more I think about hope, the more I feel it’s one of the most important aspects of overcoming any kind of trauma or negative mindset.

When I was thinking about my healing journey the other day, I came up with three tenets that I felt were crucial for healing.

Those tenets are hope, self-Awareness, and self-Compassion.

I feel you must have hope to have the other two.

Without the belief that healing is possible, you’re not going to have self-compassion or self-awareness.

When you have hope, you expect things to get better.

You believe in a better future ahead.

When you lose hope, you don’t have a positive outlook for the future or even feel like you have a future.

When you have hope, you feel that you are or will contribute to the world.

When you lose hope, you feel like you have nothing to offer the world and the world would be better off without you.

It’s hard to keep moving forward in life or want to live if you’ve lost hope.

Traumatic experiences can slowly take the hope away from us.

My experience with sexual abuse slowly took the hope away from me.

I had a lot of hope about my future and where I was going.

Over time, I lost most of it.

I felt like I would be better off if I wasn’t here anymore.

I felt like I was causing more harm than good.

I didn’t think the future would get any better for me.

I didn’t see a reason to keep going.

The only reason to keep going for me was my family.

I don’t know if my family would be considered hope, but they were the reason why I am still here today.

So, when I talk about hope, I feel it’s a lifeline for those that are struggling with life.

To have hope is everything, to lose hope is to have nothing.

We must find a way to rekindle hope when we are struggling in life.

How to Restore Hope

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” - Dale Carnegie

When hope is lost, we’re in dangerous territory.

To get our hope back, we must fight for it.

Below are what I call my “Hope Builders” to help me regain hope when it’s lost.

My “Hope Builders” are stories of others, previous wins, and positive affirmations.

Stories of Others

One of the best ways to restore hope is by reading about the lives of others.

Two lives that inspire hope in me are the lives of Eli Wetzel and Neslson Mandela.

Both men suffered the worst injustices and violations of human rights.

Not only did both men survive, but they came out stronger, with a message of unity and love.

Here’s a brief summary of both lives below:

Eli Wetzel

“Eli Wetzel is a Holocaust survivor who endured the horrors of concentration camps during World War II. After being captured and sent to a concentration camp, Wetzel faced unimaginable suffering, loss, and hardship. Despite the trauma and brutality, he survived, largely due to his resilience, strength, and determination to keep going even when the odds were against him.

After the war, Eli Wetzel used his painful experiences and the lessons he learned from his survival to help others. He became an advocate for peace, tolerance, and human rights, sharing his story with others to educate people about the dangers of hatred, bigotry, and intolerance. Wetzl’s work as a speaker, educator, and advocate aimed to ensure that future generations would never forget the atrocities of the Holocaust and would work towards a more compassionate world (ChatGPT, personal communication, February 15, 2025).”

Nelson Mandela

“Nelson Mandela, the former president of South Africa, was imprisoned for 27 years due to his fight against apartheid, the system of institutionalized racial segregation and discrimination. During his imprisonment, he endured harsh conditions, including forced labor, isolation, and poor treatment, yet he remained steadfast in his commitment to justice and equality. Despite the trauma he faced, Mandela’s resilience and belief in reconciliation helped him survive the long years of confinement.

After his release in 1990, Mandela used his experience of suffering to promote peace, unity, and forgiveness, rather than seeking revenge. He became a key figure in the peaceful dismantling of apartheid and worked tirelessly to build a democratic, non-racial South Africa. As the first black president of the country, he prioritized healing the divisions created by apartheid, fostering national reconciliation, and advancing human rights (ChatGPT, personal communication, February 15, 2025).”

Remembering Previous Wins

Another way to restore hope is by remembering previous wins.

When we lose hope, we forget about previous challenges we’ve faced and overcome.

Remember, when you lose hope, you lose that belief that something can be achieved.

You lose the expectation that you can obtain something better.

This is why it’s important to take the time, sit down, and think back on your previous struggles or challenges that you’ve encountered.

Write about the times when you overcame the odds or a challenge and how it made you feel.

It’s good to remind ourselves with proof that we are capable of achieving more or obtaining something better.

We’ve all had struggles in our lives, use those past struggles as hope builders.

Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations help us challenge our negative thoughts.

When we’ve lost hope, our mind is probably swirling with negative thoughts, lies.

According to Wiesenfeld (2001, as cited in Moore, 2019), “As inherently positive statements, affirmations are designed to encourage an optimistic mindset. And optimism in itself is a powerful thing. In terms of reducing negative thoughts, affirmations have been shown to help with the tendency to linger on negative experiences.”

Positive affirmations help us keep or regain an optimistic mindset which provides the best environment to bring back hope.

When you start repeating positive affirmations to yourself, it’s going to feel foreign and uncomfortable at first.

You can do these by yourself, away from others so don’t worry about feeling uncomfortable.

You’ll get used to this feeling and you’ll be glad you did when they start working.

Here are some examples of positive affirmations you can use to restore hope (ChatGPT, personal communication, February 15, 2025):

1) I am resilient, and I have the strength to overcome any challenge.

2) Every day brings new opportunities for growth and healing.

3) I trust that everything is unfolding in my favor, even if I don’t understand it yet.

4) I have the power to create positive change in my life.

5) I am worthy of love, peace, and happiness.

6) I choose to focus on the present moment, knowing it holds endless possibilities.

7) Even in difficult times, I can find moments of peace and joy.

8) I trust in my ability to move forward and embrace new beginnings.

9) I believe in myself, and I have the courage to keep going.

Conclusion

I know what it’s like to lose hope.

I lost hope for many years of my life and never thought I would ever find it again.

When you experience a traumatic event like sexual abuse, it takes everything from you, including your hope.

It’s hard to see that tomorrow can be better or have an expectation that you can achieve goals when you’re struggling to get through the day.

I’m here to tell you that it’s possible to restore your hope.

It’s possible to rekindle the flame of confidence in a better future.

It’s going to take work, it’s going to be very challenging, but it’s worth it if you stick with it.

Getting your hope back changes your life.

Getting your hope back is a big step in healing from your trauma.

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you for your support!

If you would like to learn more or schedule a free 30-minute consultation, visit my website by clicking here or by visiting my Calendly page by clicking here.

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