Impulse Control and the Power of the Pause

I struggle with impulse control at times. Ok, maybe more than “at times.”

For example, I ate pretty well today. Then my son came home from work with a box of triple chocolate mochi. I love triple chocolate mochi. Five minutes later, 540 calories down the hatch. Next up was a small bag of chips. I just went for it and didn’t think twice about it.

The All-or-Nothing Trap

What makes things worse is when I fall into the all-or-nothing mentality.

“I already ate mochi and chips, I’ve blown it. I might as well eat whatever I want now.”

This is a cognitive distortion (something I’ll write about more in another newsletter). It’s not good. I had to work on breaking free from this mentality first before I could even start improving my impulse control.

The Key: The Pause

I’ve gotten better with impulse control, but I still have work to do. The key is simple: the pause.

It’s about taking a moment before acting, reflecting on the decision you’re about to make. Ask yourself:

• Does this support my goals?

• How is this going to impact me tomorrow?

• Is it worth it?

• Can I hold off until later?

That pause makes all the difference. It takes practice and repetition, but it’s how discipline is built.

Compassion Over Shame

I refuse to shame myself for slipping up. Beating myself up over mochi or chips has never helped me in the past, and it won’t help me now. Instead, I choose compassion. I learn, and I move on.

Yes, it’s difficult. Yes, there are tricks out there like “don’t go in the kitchen after 8 PM.” But honestly? Most of them don’t work.

The only strategy that consistently works for me is simple: don’t keep foods I don’t want to eat in the house. If they’re there, it’s too easy to make a bad decision in the moment.

That’s why the pause is so important. Every time you pause and make a better choice, you build confidence. Even if you know you’re going to give in, force yourself to pause for 10 minutes before acting. This helps you build the “delay of gratification” muscle.

Start Small, Build Momentum

Don’t try to change everything at once. Start with just one thing:

• One habit you want to break.

• One food you want to cut back on.

• One drink you want to stop.

Focus on that one thing until you build momentum. Then add another, and another. Momentum is powerful.

How This Connects to Healing

The same principle applies to healing. When you’ve lived in survival mode for a long time, impulses show up in food, in negative thoughts, or in old habits.

You have to recognize them, pause, and make a better choice. That could mean choosing compassion over self-criticism or refusing to accept a negative thought about yourself.

And yes, you’ll make mistakes. Probably more than once, maybe even more than twice. That’s okay. Keep going. Keep learning. Keep improving.

Don’t listen to anyone who says, “Never make the same mistake twice.” That’s not realistic for many of us. It just adds more shame and guilt.

A Small Win

As I sit here writing this, I just picked up pizzas for my sons. The smell is tempting, but I stuck with my turkey sandwich instead. And I feel pretty damn good about that choice. Maybe I just delayed gratification, but I’m confident I can stick with it tonight.

I’ve got this, and you’ve got this too.

A Little Extra About Impulse Control

For people who have experienced trauma, impulse control can be even harder. Living in survival mode conditions your nervous system to act quickly, fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

Impulses become tied to survival instincts. Your body seeks immediate relief, not long-term planning.

I was extremely impulsive for many years. Once I started healing, I noticed I was slowly gaining control over my impulses. It takes time and practice, but it’s possible.

Here’s why:

• Impulse behavior happens when the emotional brain (seeking relief or pleasure) overrides the thinking brain (long-term goals and logic).

This explained so much about my worst years. If I was seeking relief from painful thoughts or emotions, I often turned to alcohol. It gave me temporary relief.

But once I started healing, I didn’t need to run from my emotions or my past anymore. And because of that, I no longer needed alcohol to escape.

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you for your support!

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***NEW: I’ve added a “Resources” section (use the Resources Button) to my website as well. I will share what I learn and provide tools to help you with your healing journey. I will constantly be adding resources.