It's All About the Roots

I was writing in my journal the other night and I had this vision.

It’s something you’ve probably thought of before, but it seemed really powerful to me so I thought I would share it in this week’s newsletter.

I’m constantly reflecting on my journey of healing and personal change.

I like to read about the latest findings in mindset, neuroscience, and similar topics to be a better coach for my clients.

As I was reflecting yesterday, I had this vision of how we grow into who we are today and how we must approach changing who we are into the person we want to become.

I call this going from a survivor identity or trauma identity to a thriver identity.

Have you ever cut down a tree and dug up the roots?

We have a lot of trees on our property.

Most of them are beautiful oak trees.

We have some smaller trees as well.

There were a couple I decided to cut down because they were dying (the smaller ones).

They really weren’t that big so I didn’t think it would be a big deal.

I took my chainsaw and cut them down, easy day.

Once I cut the tree down, I decided to dig up the roots and this is where things got interesting.

Even Though the Tree is Small, The Roots Go Deep

I made the mistake of thinking that digging up the roots of this small tree was going to be easy.

It wasn’t, it was anything but easy.

Even though the tree was small, these roots have been growing for years.

When you decide you want to change, you may think it’s going to be easy as well.

You start some new habits, start thinking a little different, but find out that the roots of who you were go much deeper than you thought.

I spent much more time digging up the roots of this small tree than I wanted to.

However, I knew that if I didn’t want it to grow back or at least have the best shot at it not growing back, I was going to have to dig up every one of them.

Just like with this tree, digging up the roots of your survivor identity is going to take time and it’s going to be much more difficult than you thought.

The longer the roots of your survivor identity have been growing, the deeper and stronger they are going to be.

I found this out over a period of 20 years every time I tried to change or start my healing journey.

Those roots went deep, and I quit.

Starve the Old Roots and Plant New Ones

If you’ve experienced a traumatic event in life, you started growing roots from that event.

For me, it was my experience with sexual abuse.

From this experience, I grew many roots to include disassociation, anger, hopelessness, fear, etc.

Over the years, I continued to feed these roots with my thoughts and actions.

They became stronger and grew deeper and deeper into my identity.

I didn’t starve these roots by seeking help, addressing my trauma, improving my self-awareness, etc., I kept feeding them with anger, recklessness, negative thoughts, etc.

You will never be able to change your identity if you continue to fertilize the negative roots in your identity and refuse to create new, positive roots of your new identity.

If one of the roots you’re struggling with is anger, you feed that root each time you're stuck in traffic, get pissed off at everyone, and start throwing a fit.

You’re just strengthening that root of anger.

You’re strengthening that root of worry each time you choose to watch the news, and it causes you to worry about the future.

You starve the old roots by recognizing what you want to change and improving your awareness.

You start catching yourself getting angry in traffic and you decide to take a few deep breaths instead and listen to an audio book or podcast.

By doing this, you’re starving the negative roots and building positive roots.

Instead of watching the news at night, you decide to read a book or watch something that’s not so serious.

Each time you catch yourself feeding the old roots and do something that’s going to grow new roots supporting your new identity, you’re winning.

Pretty soon, you’ll find that those negative or old roots start to slowly die off and the new roots start growing deeper and stronger.

Expect the Roots to Go Deeper

As I previously mentioned, I didn’t expect the small tree’s roots to be as deep or as strong as they were.

When I decided to change and start my healing journey on and off over the years, I didn’t expect it to be as hard as it was.

Therefore, I quit when I couldn’t start starving those negative roots.

They were too deep and strong for me at the time.

I’m letting you know now that it’s going to be difficult anytime you decide to change something about yourself.

It’s going to be even more difficult the longer you’ve been supporting it.

You’re going to have to be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and reactions to things throughout the day and choose not to feed the negative behaviors you’re trying to change.

You’re going to have to start growing those new positive roots of who you want to become.

You’re going to have to fight for it.

You’re going to have to fight for it every day.

Please expect this or you won’t make it.

Conclusion

With each experience in life, we sprout roots.

Whether the experience is good or bad, we sprout roots.

Those roots will grow or die off depending on what we do next.

If we feed those roots meaning, we choose behaviors that support those roots or feelings they will grow.

They will continue to grow as long as we feed them.

The only way to take care of those negative feelings is to stop fertilizing and watering those roots.

If we stop taking care of and feeding those roots, they’ll slowly start to die.

Depending on how strong they are and how deep they go, it could take a while for them to die.

Start building and feeding new roots, the roots that are going to help you fulfill the vision of who you want to become.

Stay positive and take action!

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