It's That Time

I’m feeling a little edgy this morning and I’m going to go with it.

First off, I don’t provide some bullshit coaching that tells you to think positive and all of your troubles are going to fade away. That’s not how this works.

When I write about how I went from surviving to thriving, I’m talking about years and years of being in the darkness. I’m talking about years and years where I didn’t really care if I lived or died. I’m talking about years and years of total hopelessness.

When I write about going from surviving to thriving, I’m talking about years of accepting my life was as good as it was going to get, and I would have to deal with it. Years of feeling that sexual abuse destroyed me and I was going to have to accept that and do the best I can.

I went through years of constantly fighting the thoughts of just ending it all because I didn’t want to live like I was anymore. Thank God for my wife and two boys. If it wasn’t for them, I don’t think I would have had a big enough reason to be here today writing to you.

When I say it was bad, it was bad. It sucks waking up every day feeling hopeless, like you don’t matter, and you’re not here for a reason. Your only purpose on earth is to suffer.

So, if this is you right now, I fu*king get it. I get it loud and clear.

When I was struggling with my trauma from sexual abuse, I didn’t have anyone to talk to that had been through it and understood what I was going through. There’s not too many of us walking around talking about it (this is why I’m sharing my story today).

That’s why I’m here. I want you to know that I’ve been through it. I’ve been through hell and came out the other side stronger than ever. You can’t fu*king break me.

I’m going to tell you something right now, you have this within you as well. You have strength inside of you that’s never been tapped into. You just have to sift through all the bullshit to get to it.

It’s all the bullshit baggage you’ve been carrying around for so long that keeps pushing you down when you try to get up. It’s all the lies you’ve been believing such as it was my fault, I’ll never be able to heal from this, I’m no good, I can’t do this, I’m broken, or any other lie that you’re listening to today.

I’ll be the first to tell you, the journey is going to be hard. It wasn’t easy for me to overcome 20 years of negative thinking where I constantly questioned whether or not I wanted to stick around, where I felt like a piece of shit because of what happened to me, where I felt it was my fault that I was sexually abused, and all the other bullshit that goes along with it.

It’s not going to be easy. This is something you must accept. You must expect it to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. You’re going to have to fight like hell. You’re going to have to fight through all of those feelings that will come at you even stronger than they did before.

You’re going to want to quit every day. You’re going to want to stay in your comfort zone. It’s like being in solitary confinement for 20 years and then being thrown outside in the sunlight. You’re going to want to run back.

Here’s what happens. When you make the decision to fight. When you make the decision to start showing up and pushing back on all the lies and bullshit, something start to happen. You start to see a flicker of light come through the darkness.

That flicker of light is very dim at first, but it’s a sign of life. It’s a sign that you have something within in you that’s been hiding for a long time. It’s that spark of life that’s still inside of you that wants to come out.

When you continue to push forward towards that flicker of light, sometimes it goes away for a minute and then it reappears and gets a little stronger. You see, you’re going to have bad days and good days. What separates those that make it from those that don’t? The ones that make it keep showing up. They keep fighting every day. They go all-in and say “fu*k it, let’s go!”

You see, the only way you lose in life is if you quit. That’s it. It’s about taking one small step forward every day. It’s about showing up even on your worst days. That’s how you win.

I remember when I made the decision to face my sexual abuse head on. One of the first things I did was get comfortable with the following, “I am a victim of sexual abuse. I was sexually abused, and I will never be able to change that. It’s a part of who I am.” I had to write this over and over and say it to myself until I got comfortable with it.

We can’t run from the truth. We must accept the truth in order to move forward. Once I got comfortable with the fact that I was a victim of sexual abuse, I was able to start moving forward. It’s like some of that weight was lifted from me.

I’m here to help you fight. I’m here to help you reclaim your life if it’s been stolen from you. However, you’re going to have to fight as well. You must make the decision to start fighting and give it all you’ve got.

I thank God every day that I made the decision to fight and got to where I am today. I’m truly enjoying life now. I have more joy than ever now. I used to view my sexual abuse as something that destroyed me, something that ruined my life. Now, I wouldn’t change anything. Why? Because God has given me the strength and a purpose to go forward and reach others that have been through similar experiences.

You see, it takes one to know one. As I mentioned above, it’s hard to talk to someone about sexual abuse or any other kind of trauma when they haven’t been through it. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t speak to a therapist if they haven’t been through what you’ve been through, but it’s different when you talk to someone that’s been through the hell you’re going through.

I want you to know that you have the fight within you. You have so much more fight in you than you know. It’s all the bullshit lies that are preventing your from seeing it. Stop believing those lies for a second and make the decision to fight back today. Make the decision to keep showing up if you’ve given up. That’s where it starts, with you making that decision.

You have so much greatness ahead of you and I’m cheering for you.

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this newsletter. I know your time is valuable and I appreciate the support.

For more information or to schedule a free 15-minute discovery call, visit my website at marktoner80.wixsite.com/survivor-to-thriver