Let the thoughts flow.
You don’t need to fight every negative thought that enters your mind. In fact, fighting them often gives them more power.
Instead, let them move through.
Remind yourself:
Thoughts are not automatically the truth.
Shame is waiting for you to believe those thoughts as facts. The moment you fuse with them, shame begins reinforcing the lies:
“You’re broken.”
“You’re not enough.”
“You’ll never heal.”
“Something is wrong with you.”
But these thoughts are not truth.
They are thoughts.
And often, the healthiest thing we can do is allow them to pass through instead of wrestling with them.
Imagine your thoughts floating down a river in your mind. They come into awareness, drift by, and eventually move on. Some thoughts are pleasant. Some are painful. Some are loud. Some are repetitive. But all thoughts are temporary if we stop feeding them energy.
From a neurobiological perspective, fighting thoughts can actually strengthen them.
When we aggressively resist or obsess over a thought:
The amygdala can tag it as threatening,
The brain’s monitoring systems keep scanning for it,
Stress hormones become associated with it,
And the thought gains more emotional intensity and neurological weight.
In other words, the harder we fight certain thoughts, the more important the brain believes they must be.
From an interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB) perspective, thoughts are neural firings, not facts or commands. A thought is fundamentally an electrochemical event occurring in the brain. It arises, carries energy for a period of time, and if it is not amplified through fear, shame, or resistance, it eventually passes.
This does not mean we ignore thoughts or pretend they don’t exist.
It means we learn to observe them without immediately believing them, fearing them, or becoming consumed by them.
That’s a skill.
And like any skill, it takes practice.
Non-judgmental awareness allows us to create space between:
ourselves and our thoughts,
awareness and reaction,
stimulus and response.
Over time, this changes our relationship with the mind itself.
The next time a negative thought arises:
pause,
breathe,
notice it,
name it,
and let it move through.
You do not have to attach to every thought your mind produces.
Sometimes healing begins the moment we stop fighting our minds and start observing them with awareness and compassion instead.
Techniques to Help with Managing Your Thoughts
Noticing without Narrative
A thought arises, perhaps something shameful, fearful, or intrusive.
Instead of “Why am I thinking this? What is wrong with me? I need to stop thinking this.”
The practice moves toward “There is a thought. I notice it here.”
Just that. No story added. No verdict rendered.
Naming Without Judging
Siegel’s name it to tame it principle applies here. Gently labeling the thought:
“Anxiety thought”
“Self critical thought”
“Fear thought”
“Old story arising”
This simple labeling creates:
Observing distance between you and the thought
Engaging the prefrontal cortex and moderating the amygdala’s response
And doesn’t require you to fight or fix anything
Acknowledging the Thought’s Presence Without Agreement
A powerful middle path that many find helpful:
“I notice this thought is here. I don’t have to believe it or act on it. I can let it be here without defining this moment.”
This is fundamentally different from suppression.
The thought is fully acknowledged, and simultaneously not granted governing authority over your experience.
The Self Compassion Layer
Kristin Neff’s work on self compassion, suggests that the same quality of compassionate presence we might offer a suffering friend is exactly what the nervous system needs when difficult thoughts arise (I’ve used this a lot and it works well).
When a painful thought surfaces the practice asks:
“Can I meet this the way a genuinely caring person would meet a friend who was struggling?”
Not with urgency to fix. Not with judgement about why it is there. But with:
Warmth - this thought arose in a human nervous system doing its best
Common humanity - difficult thoughts are part of every human experience
Presence - I can be with this without being destroyed by it
Using this technique:
Activates the care system
Moderates the threat system
Creates the internal conditions where thoughts can genuinely move through rather than getting stuck
I recommend trying one of the above techniques next time you’re struggling with a thought.
Thank you for your support!
Resources: For resources, my programs, or to schedule a 30-minute discovery call, visit my website by clicking here.
NEW: I’ve started a private Facebook community called Survivor to Thriver Community: Healing, Support, and Growth. This community is by invite only. It’s a place where survivors can go to receive support from others that understand what they’re going through. If you’re interested, please send me an email at [email protected] and let me know you want to join and I’ll send you an invite.
If this newsletter has help you in any way, please share it with someone you know that may be struggling.
