Rebuilding Your Identity After Trauma

Rebuilding Your Identity After Trauma

I still fall into what I call the “rush mentality.” My mind starts racing, and that familiar wave of anxiety and panic begins to build. It often happens in the morning when I think I’m behind schedule, even when I’m not.

I like to be logged into work by a certain time, and when I don’t get to my writing beforehand, my nervous system interprets it as being “behind.” In the past, this would have been uncontrollable. It would ruin my day. I’d stay in that anxious, panicked state for hours.

This pattern started in the Navy, where there was always an issue or emergency demanding my attention. My nervous system learned to live in constant alert.

But as I began healing, I realized something powerful:

And that is what healing is all about, changing the story.

How Our Identities Are Formed

We don’t get to choose our identity in the beginning.
We’re born into families and environments that shape us, for better or worse. We grow up surrounded by people and situations that we didn’t choose, and what we experience during those years becomes our normal.

Many of us don’t even realize that our “normal” was unhealthy or chaotic. That realization can be painful. The shame and guilt that surface are heavy, but remember, you had no choice back then.

Facing and Accepting the Past

This is why I talk so much about rebuilding our identity. When you start your healing journey, you’ll have to face the past. It will hurt. You’ll feel shame and guilt, sometimes more intensely than ever before because you’re finally facing what you used to run from.

But this is a good thing.
Processing those feelings is part of the healing.

When I started facing my past, something shifted. I began to see that it wasn’t my fault. I realized there was nothing wrong with me. Slowly, the shame and guilt began to melt away, and I could finally see the truth of what happened.

That’s when I reached acceptance.

Acceptance doesn’t mean saying what happened was okay. It means acknowledging the reality of it, that it happened, that it hurt, and that we’re not running from it anymore.
We can’t change the past, and we can’t forget it. But we can choose not to let it control us any longer.

The Power of Rebuilding

Once we face and accept our past, we can begin to rebuild our identity.
This is where true healing happens, when we realize:

The person you were meant to be is already inside you, buried beneath layers of trauma. As you heal, you start to uncover that version of yourself, piece by piece, moment by moment.

There’s no timeline for this process. It looks different for everyone. You can’t rush it. But with every small step forward, you reclaim more of yourself.

The Ongoing Journey

I share all of this not to make it sound simple, but to show you how I’ve been able to heal, and continue to heal from my sexual abuse.

This journey is full of ups and downs. Some days you’ll feel like you’ve regressed, and other days you’ll take big leaps forward. That’s part of it.

Be gentle with yourself on the hard days. Healing isn’t linear. It’s about taking one more step, and most importantly, not giving up on yourself when it gets tough, because it will.

But here’s the truth:
Every time you take another step, every time you come back from a setback, you get a little stronger.

It just takes time.
And you’re worth every moment of it.

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you for your support!

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