Saturday Morning Mindset: Boundaries as Self-Respect

Learning to Set Boundaries in Healing

One of the hardest parts of healing from trauma is learning to set boundaries and believing that we’re worthy of having them. Boundaries aren’t optional; they’re essential.

Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re doors. They protect you while still allowing in what nourishes you and keeping out what harms you.

If we want to heal, we must make boundaries a priority. That means putting our healing journey first, above comfort, approval, or the expectations of others. When we fail to do so, we can’t show up as our best selves for those we love.

This is how we start to reframe the belief that setting boundaries is selfish. It’s not selfish, it’s self-respect. Healing requires that we put ourselves in the right environments, surrounded by the right people.

Why it Feels so Hard

If you’ve been operating in survival responses like:

• Flight: avoiding confrontation, emotions, or memories

• Freeze: struggling to make decisions

• Fawn: people-pleasing, putting others first, or feeling responsible for their emotions

…it will feel uncomfortable at first. That’s normal. You’re not broken; you’re just used to surviving.

Practice Self-Compassion

Healing doesn’t mean being perfect. There will be days you struggle or fall back into old patterns. That’s okay.
Self-compassion is key, you’re learning something new that your nervous system has resisted for a long time. Setting boundaries takes time and practice. Remember: small steps, one step at a time.

Start with Low-Stakes Boundaries

Here are a few simple ways to begin:

1. Ask a friend to text before they call.

2. Say, “I can’t make it tonight,” without overexplaining.

3. Tell the waiter how you’d like your food prepared.

These small actions begin rewiring your brain, building new, healthy neurological connections to replace old survival patterns.

Final Reminder

Setting boundaries will feel difficult because it’s new, not because there’s something wrong with you. You’ve spent years developing survival-based wiring, now you’re creating new pathways for safety, self-respect, and healing.

Reflection Question: Where in your life do you need stronger boundaries?

Action Step: Practice saying one small but firm “no” this week.

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you for your support!

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