Saturday Morning Mindset: Mindset, Shame, and Healing

It took me many years to realize this truth: it’s not your situation that defines how you feel, it’s your mindset.

When we let our circumstances dictate our emotions, we give away our power. But when we shift our mindset, we reclaim the power to decide how we respond, no matter what situation we find ourselves in.

For the longest time, I couldn’t believe this. I told myself that because I was sexually abused, my life was doomed. If something bad happened, I assumed it was because of the abuse and that bad things would keep happening to me.

I lived as a victim, powerless, trapped, and expecting pain every day.

But underneath that mindset was something even deeper: shame.

Shame convinces us that something is wrong with us, that we’re defective, that we deserved what happened. I believed the abuse was my fault. I thought I should have stopped it, and because I didn’t, I was responsible. That belief, that something was wrong with me, kept me stuck.

Before I could change my mindset, I had to address the shame. Without that step, self-talk and positive thinking felt impossible. Because if you believe deep down that you’re broken, no amount of mindset shifts will stick.

Shame is often at the heart of trauma. It’s the anchor that keeps us tied to the past, no matter how hard we try to move forward.

For me, the shame began to melt away when I finally faced my past. I had to process the emotions I never allowed myself to feel. I had to grieve who I might have been if I hadn’t been abused. For years, I was still that 15-year-old boy, carrying wounds I never addressed, even in my thirties.

Healing began when I accepted the truth: I will always be a survivor of sexual abuse. That will never change. But acceptance gave me freedom. It meant acknowledging that nothing was wrong with me. My past is part of my story, but it doesn’t control me anymore.

By addressing and accepting my past, the grip of shame loosened. The “dark secret” I tried to hide lost its power over me. And in that moment, I began to feel my strength.

This is what our abusers never want. They want us silent, buried in shame, so their evil is never exposed. But when we confront the truth, their power disappears.

So let me say this clearly: there’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing.
You were the victim of someone bad doing something bad to a good person.

Notice I said were the victim. You’re not a victim anymore.
If you’ve survived trauma, you carry a strength that few others know.

All it takes is that first step, breaking free from the past, to finally see it.

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you for your support!

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