Slow Down to Heal Deep

Sometimes, we must slow down in order to speed up.

A couple of weeks ago, I tweaked my lower back after leg day; squatting felt fine at first, but the soreness lingered. I’ve had that before during my bodybuilding days, so I stretched, paid attention, and moved on.

But when I tried leg day again the following week, something felt off. My body told me to stop. This wasn’t just muscle soreness, it was a signal to slow down. And that’s hard for me. It always has been.

I’ve never been great at slowing down; not in the gym, not in life, and especially not in my healing journey.
But trauma recovery, like injury recovery, demands we slow down to truly move forward.

The Cost of Distraction

At my worst, when I was deep in my trauma, stillness was terrifying.
I filled every second with distractions; alcohol, sports, gambling, running, anything to avoid the silence. I couldn’t bear to be alone with my thoughts.

I was in the Navy at the time, and while that gave me purpose and helped me provide for my family, it also created a high-stress environment where I stayed in survival mode 24/7. I did what I had to do during the day, and when I got home, I was spent. I had nothing left emotionally.

Back then, I didn’t understand that I was carrying unresolved trauma. I didn’t know that my avoidance, my anxiety, my constant internal pressure all stemmed from what I had never addressed.

Everything felt like an emergency. My world always felt one thread away from unraveling.

You Can’t Heal What You Don’t Face

There’s no single way to heal from trauma, everyone’s journey is different.
Some say you should focus only on the future. But for me, I believe we have to confront the past before we can move forward.

You can’t outrun trauma. It always finds a way back.

For a few years, I forgot about the sexual abuse I experienced. Then it came back with a vengeance during my senior year of high school. I didn’t get to choose when it returned. That’s how trauma works. It surfaces when your soul can no longer carry the weight.

And when it hits, you either face it, or it keeps controlling your life.

No One Can Heal For You

I had support. My parents stood by me through the trial that put my abuser behind bars. My wife did everything she could to help me find healing. And their love made a massive difference.

But support only takes you so far.

You have to want to heal. You have to do the work.
Healing isn’t a one-time thing. It’s not just about the trial or a few therapy sessions. It’s a lifelong journey.

Trauma doesn’t just go away.
It becomes a part of you.
And healing isn’t about "fixing" yourself, it’s about learning to grow with what you've been through.

The Path to Acceptance

You can’t grow from trauma unless you’re willing to face it.
That might mean talking to a therapist.
Journaling.
Speaking the truth out loud to yourself.
But no matter how you choose to do it, you must deal with it.

It was a turning point when I could say, “I am a survivor of sexual abuse,” and not feel fear flood my body.
That was the beginning of acceptance for me.
That’s when shame, guilt, and embarrassment began to fall away.
I stopped hiding and started healing.

Sharing my story publicly, especially on social media, has been one of the most healing things I’ve ever done.

We shouldn't have to hide what we've been through.
We didn’t do anything wrong.
We didn’t cause the trauma.
We’re not the ones who need to carry the shame.

Rebuilding Identity

When we operate from shame, we’re trapped in the past.
Our trauma becomes our identity.
I lived like that for years; closed off, guarded, with no confidence or self-esteem. I wasn’t the husband or father I wanted to be. I was just trying to survive.

But healing gave me something trauma never could: the chance to rebuild.

I stopped being a victim.
I became someone who had experienced abuse, but was now building a life of meaning, purpose, and strength.

You can’t rebuild who you’re meant to be while you’re still avoiding your pain.
Trauma has a grip on you until you look it in the eyes and deal with it.

The Fight of a Lifetime

Healing is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I struggled for 20 years before I got serious about it.
And even then, I wanted to quit almost every day.

It’s a spiritual fight.
A mental battle.
And it will stretch you to your limits.

But if you take it one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time, you can get through it.

The vulnerability will feel unbearable.
But stay in it.
A little longer each time.
That’s where the growth happens.

This Is Real Strength

The real strength isn’t in pretending you’re fine.
It’s in choosing to fight.
Choosing to face what you’ve buried for years.
That’s when your true power comes alive; the strength you haven’t felt in a long time.

Be prepared.
Set realistic expectations.
Know it’s going to be hard, but worth it.

Because once you start to heal, you’ll begin to see the truth:
The abuse was never your fault.
The shame never belonged to you.
And your future is still yours to build.

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you for your support!

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