The Ones We Hurt: Healing After Trauma

It sucks; I can’t go back and change the past.

The truth is the people closest to us are often the ones who take the brunt of our trauma. They see the worst of us. While we might “blend in” at work or in social settings, the ones we love the most are the ones who deal with the reality, our pain, our triggers, our brokenness.

It’s one of the hardest things to live with.
Because the things I did to those I loved, they were my actions. I take responsibility for that.
Nobody else did those things, I did.

But at the same time, I honestly don’t know how I could’ve handled it differently back then.

I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. I was surviving. I was doing the best I could with where I was at emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I wasn’t ready to deal with the trauma. I wasn’t equipped. I tried, many times, to start my healing journey, but every time I approached it, I’d feel exposed, vulnerable, and terrified. So, I shut it down.

Over and over.

And in the meantime, the people I loved most continued to suffer.

They suffered through my distraction.
My emotional distance.
My anger and irritability.
My refusal to fully live life or leave my comfort zone.
My inability, or unwillingness, to begin healing.

I hated the feeling I got when I tried to face my past.
It’s hard to explain, but it felt like the most raw, unbearable discomfort, like standing naked in the middle of a storm. It was too much.

No trauma survivor likes to feel vulnerable.
Because vulnerability was what we felt most during the abuse.
Helpless. Trapped. Alone. Just praying for it to end.

Now, I take responsibility, truly. At least I try to.
I own the way I acted during those years.
But it’s still difficult to process.
Could I have asked for help? Could I have done things differently?

Yes.
But I didn’t.
And I wish I had.

I spent the better part of 20 years surviving, not living.

I wish I saw the strength in me then that I see now.

And that’s why I’m sharing my journey because if you’ve been through trauma, I want you to know:

You can heal.

It will be the hardest thing you ever do. But it will also be the most freeing. And it’s worth starting now. Because it will never feel easy to begin.

But the pain? The guilt? The shame?
They don’t get the last word.

As you heal, vulnerability won’t scare you like it used to.
You’ll learn how to sit with it, how to work through it.
You’ll stop letting it control your life.

And maybe the people you hurt because of your trauma will forgive you.

Maybe they won’t.

And if they don’t?
You have to let them go.

Because right now, the most important thing is that you heal.
That you find out who you are without the trauma in the driver’s seat.

You need the right support; people who don’t guilt-trip you, people who understand. Because guilt doesn’t help us heal. I’ve carried enough of it for a lifetime.

Healing has taught me something I never used to have:
Compassion for myself.

Not excuses. Not denial.
Just truth, ownership, and compassion.

I still struggle with how I treated those I loved during my darkest years. But I can’t live in guilt anymore.

I’m slowly releasing that shame.

It’s the only way forward.

Was it my fault? Yes, I took those actions.
But if you’ve never experienced deep trauma, it’s hard to understand how… it’s also not your fault.

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you for your support!

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