How do you have a “why” when all you want to do is die?

What happens when your “why” no longer feels strong enough to keep you going?

These are difficult questions, but they’re real ones. Many survivors wrestle with them during their healing journey. There are going to be days where simply existing feels exhausting. Days where the pain feels louder than hope. Days where nothing seems to matter.

So how do we get through those moments?

I don’t think there’s one single answer.

And honestly, one of the scariest parts of trauma is those moments where you feel disconnected from everything, where you can’t access hope, purpose, meaning, or even a reason to keep fighting.

I do believe resilience is built over time. I think resilience is a lot like a muscle. Every time we face those dark thoughts and continue moving forward, something inside us grows stronger. Every time we survive another difficult moment, we build capacity.

But even that truth has limits sometimes.

Sexual abuse survivors are some of the most resilient people I know, and yet many still lose their lives to suicide.

That doesn’t mean they were weak.
That doesn’t mean they lacked resilience.

To me, it speaks to the sheer power and devastation of trauma.

I think many people dramatically underestimate what sexual abuse trauma does to a human being. The truth is, it impacts everything.

It affects:

Trauma doesn’t stay contained to one area of life.

It spreads into everything.

And it becomes even more difficult when survivors are isolated and carrying all of that pain alone. It can feel like everyone else around you is living a “normal” life while you’re stranded on an island trying to survive something invisible that nobody else can fully see or understand.

That loneliness can be crushing.

So when I talk about having a “why,” I’m not saying it isn’t important. I absolutely believe having purpose, meaning, connection, goals, faith, family, or something to hold onto matters deeply.

But I also think it’s important to acknowledge this truth:
Some days, even your “why” may not feel like enough.

Some days survival itself becomes the battle.

And I don’t know that there’s a perfect formula for who makes it through those moments and who doesn’t. I don’t think healing is that simple.

What I do know is this:

Learning the truth about trauma matters.

Understanding what trauma actually does to the nervous system matters.

Reducing shame matters.

And having even one safe person in your corner who truly sees you, supports you, and stays with you through the darkness can make an enormous difference.

Sometimes healing starts there.

Not with having all the answers.
Not with suddenly feeling hopeful.
Not with becoming fearless.

But simply with staying in the fight long enough to experience another moment of safety, connection, understanding, or hope.

Healing is about taking things one step at a time. It’s about getting through a tough moment. Sometimes taking it minute by minute.

If it’s one thing I want every survivor out there to know it’s this, you’re worth it and you can heal. I believe in you.

Thank you for your support!

Resources: For resources, my programs, or to schedule a 30-minute discovery call, visit my website by clicking here.

NEW: I’ve started a private Facebook community called Survivor to Thriver Community: Healing, Support, and Growth. This community is by invite only. It’s a place where survivors can go to receive support from others that understand what they’re going through. If you’re interested, please send me an email at [email protected] and let me know you want to join and I’ll send you an invite.

If this newsletter has help you in any way, please share it with someone you know that may be struggling.