You Can Do This, I Believe In You

If you know my story, you know that I was a victim of sexual abuse at the age of 15 and would struggle with suicidal thoughts, depression, hopelessness, anger, etc., for approximately 20 years.

When I say I didn’t think I would ever overcome my struggles caused by sexual abuse, I mean this with my whole heart.

I thought I was doomed for the longest time and that I had lived the best life I was going to live.

I had gone further than I’d ever thought I would in the Navy, had a beautiful family, and thought I should just be happy with that and live out the rest of my days dealing with my internal struggles.

Fast forward to today.

I’ve done a complete 180.

I have internal joy that I never thought was possible.

I love life and take advantage of every day I’m gifted.

All of those negative feelings I listed above, they no longer exist.

I can’t imagine thinking suicidal thoughts anymore, being depressed, or angry all the time.

If you’re reading this today, you may be thinking, “That’s great Mark, but that’s never going to happen for me.”

You may be scoffing at me right now thinking that it may have happened for me but it’s impossible for you.

I’m here to tell you today that you can heal from your wounds and your trauma.

I’m living proof that you can heal from anything that happened to you in the past.

Here’s how I started making the change from where I was to where I am today:

1) You must make the decision to change.

This may sound like common sense to you, but you’re going to have to intentionally make the decision to start your healing journey.

You must get to the point where you no longer want to keep being who you are.

It must be intentional.

I’ll say that again, it must be intentional.

It can’t be this half-assed, “Well I think I want to change, but I don’t know if it’s going to happen.”

No, you must commit.

2) You must face your trauma

I don’t think you can overcome your trauma if you don’t face it head-on once and for all.

Here’s the thing, it’s not about forgetting about your trauma.

I don’t think you can forget about something that significant from your past.

It’s about dealing with it and accepting it.

Yes, it’s about accepting the trauma from your past as a part of you now and forever.

It will always be a part of you, and you must accept this and use it to make you stronger today.

I finally decided to go back to my sexual abuse and relive it through journaling about it and talking about it until it no longer bothered me.

I had to get to the point where I was no longer embarrassed, ashamed, or angry to talk about it anymore.

This is when you know you’ve accepted it.

The next step for me after that was deciding to share my story.

This is not for everyone, but I felt that God put it on my heart to share my story and help others find healing.

This is what I’m doing today.

3) Adopt a growth mindset no matter what

This is a big one and I saved it for last.

There are two types of mindsets: a growth mindset and a fixed mindset.

A fixed mindset is the mindset I used to have during those 20 years when I was struggling with my trauma.

A fixed mindset is when you believe you are who you are, and nothing is going to change that.

As I mentioned above, I didn’t think I was capable of healing from my past.

I thought I was going to have to deal with life the way it was for the rest of my days above ground.

This is the furthest thing from the truth.

A growth mindset is believing that you can change.

It’s a belief that if you put in the work, you can change your life.

It’s believing that your struggles may have kept you down for a long time, but you can emerge from them stronger than ever.

We all have the ability to adopt a growth mindset.

As I mentioned above, if you would have told me this 15 years ago, I would have laughed in your face.

I’m here to tell you that you have it within you.

You must start believing today that you can change your life one step at a time.

Your mind is capable of so much more than you think and it’s time to start tapping into that power; having a growth mindset is the best way to do that.

It’s going to be an uphill battle at first

When you decide to attack your trauma and start your healing journey, every negative force will push back against you.

It’s going to be such a wall of negative forces pushing back against you that you’re going to want to give up and go back to the way things were.

This happened to me over and over again over the years.

I would try to start making changes in my life, get overwhelmed, it wouldn’t feel right, and then I would run back to my comfort zone.

I was comfortable with my trauma and went back to what I knew.

You’re going to have to fight against these negative forces with everything you’ve got in the beginning.

You’re going to feel discomfort like you’ve never felt before.

I’m telling you this now so that you can prepare for it because it’s like a tsunami of emotion hitting you all at once.

You’re going to have to tell yourself that this is normal and that you just have to keep moving forward one small step at a time.

Take a deep breath and remember why you started this journey in the first place.

What helps even more is if you write out a vision of what you want your new self to act and feel like when it’s all over.

Write about this vision in detail.

This is the new you.

Have this vision in front of you at all times and go back to it when you want to give up.

Read it, close your eyes and try to feel what it will be like to be this new person.

You’re going to need this when those negative emotions start pushing back against you.

The bottom line: you were put here for a reason.

You have a purpose here and your life matters.

I don’t care what you’ve been told your entire life or what someone did to you, you have a purpose, and your life matters just as much as anyone’s else’s.

Once you start believing this and giving yourself a chance, you’ll start seeing your potential and be glad you decided to take this journey.

Stay positive and take action!

Thank you for taking the time to read this newsletter!

It means a lot to have your support!

You can sign up for a free 15-minute discovery call or find more resources on my website at marktoner80.wixsite.com/survivor-to-thriver.

Additionally, I’d love to hear your feedback in the comments below or you can email your comments or feedback to [email protected].